5 Things That Don’t Make Any Sense In Pokemon
September 23rd, 2007 JeremyI love the Pokemon games. That’s right. I said it. I’m a 19 year old that still enjoys a game targeted at 12 year olds. There’s something about those games that is hypnotically addicting. Pokemon grabbed me by the nuts at the age of 11 and hasn’t let go since. So I’m honoring the game with an article dedicated to pointing out and mocking its flaws.
1. Apparently you need Pokemon, or you pass out
In a battle if you run out of Pokemon, you black out (or in the case of Silver/Gold/Crystal “white out”) and magically reappear at a Pokecenter where a nurse will fix your Pokemon. What the hell? One minute you personally are healthy and perfectly capable of living, but the second your beloved little Squirtle gets pwn’d, your brain stops receiving the necessary oxygen and reboots. I’m sure you love Squirtle very much, but if it gets K.O.’d and you follow suite, you need help. That’s a very unhealthy poke-addiction. Amazingly, however, you have enough strength to dish out a couple hundred $$$ to the guy that beat you.
2. Villains use Pokemon to take over the world
Apparently they’ve never heard of guns. Team Rocket and the bad rip-off teams that followed in G/S, R/S, and D/P all have a grand vision of how the world should be. And to make this vision become reality, they use Pokemon to get the job done. The obvious thing to do if a little kid was invading your fortress would be to shoot the brat in the head and hide the body. Do you realize how man world visions could come to be if those morons would just kill the kid?!
3. Noobs can pwn the hell out of adults
The Elite 4 are trained veterans who have been training their Pokemon since they were your age. For some thats like 50 years. And their pokemon have been with them through thick and thin. But you, a young lad who has had your Pokemon for an in-game few months can come along and destroy these veteran’s Pokemon with 1 or 2 attacks.
4. Colors are good names for children
When you start up a new game, you can pick from a few pre-made names, or you can make your own. In each color version of the game, the default name is the color of the game and your rival is the “opposite”. For example (since that last sentence was a run on that made no sense) in Pokemon Red, the default name is Red and your rival is Blue. Fortunately they’ve done away with this, because I don’t think Diamond is a very good name for a boy. At least he’d be a girl’s best friend. </bad joke>.
5. Apparently a bird 1/5your size can fly you away to a city miles away
According to my Pokedex in Pearl, Starly is 1 foot tall, while your character is nearly 5 feet tall. I got a C in Physic, but I’m pretty sure that unless Starly is half ant, it can’t lift something like that. To make matters worse, Starly weighs 4.4 lbs and the character weights 84! Eventually it does start to seem possible, because birds like Pidgeot, the Legendary birds, Fearow, etc are all equal to or greater than your size.
6. Why the hell is there a truck near the St. Anne?!
Okay so there’s 6 things, not 5. But seriously…I know it was the center of the massive Mew-catching hysteria, but seriously. Why was there a truck on an island next to the cruise ship?! I don’t get it! It does nothing!